1401 McHenry Rd., Ste. 122
Buffalo Grove, IL 60089
820 E. Terra Cotta Ave., Ste. 215
Crystal Lake, IL 60014
1790 Nations Dr., Ste. 208
Gurnee, IL 60031
2300 N. Barrington Rd., Ste. 105
Hoffman Estates, IL 60169
By Cheryl Thompson, LCSW
Boundaries are a healthy part of every relationship. They define who we are apart from others. Boundaries help build and maintain healthy relationships which are both enjoyable and supportive in our daily lives.
Poor boundaries in our lives leave us feeling lonely, isolated, angry, depressed, and anxious. Walls form when boundaries are too rigid. A boundary grows out of a sense of self-respect and advocates communication and connection with others. But a wall is built out of a sense of fear to keep people out. A wall leads to loneliness and pain and prevents us from connecting emotionally with others. When boundaries are too loose, we become enmeshed with others. Enmeshment creates chaos because we do not know where we end and the other person begins. It is unclear if our thoughts, choices, and feelings are our own or someone else’s. Often our ability to have boundaries is limited because of distorted beliefs such as these:
On a final note, journaling is a great way to increase your awareness and definition of boundaries. Recommended books on this topic are Boundaries, by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend, and Boundaries: Where you End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine.