1401 McHenry Rd., Ste. 122
Buffalo Grove, IL 60089
820 E. Terra Cotta Ave., Ste. 215
Crystal Lake, IL 60014
1790 Nations Dr., Ste. 208
Gurnee, IL 60031
2300 N. Barrington Rd., Ste. 105
Hoffman Estates, IL 60169
By Julie Spokane, LCSW
Many adults enter treatment in hopes of resolving an unresolved notion of “not being good enough” --- not being good enough at work, relationships, parenting or within oneself. In therapy we frequently discover that this self-deprecating notion evolves from an unresolved relationship with one’s mother, especially mothers who possess narcissistic attributes. At Arbor Counseling Center we have formulated groups based on the recovery process of separating and individuating from narcissistic mothers. We utilize the techniques of identification, acceptance, grief, and recovery taught in Karyl McBride, Ph.D.’s book Will I Ever Be Good Enough.
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) identifies narcissism as a personality disorder with the following nine traits listed below:
In essence, what these traits equate to is that, “it’s all about me”. When a daughter is raised by a woman who places her needs before everyone else, this can leave the daughter feeling unloved. Unloved daughters grow up with a tremendous need to please others, especially their unavailable mother. Daughters can grow into women with a chronic need to please at the expense of never achieving this goal. As a result, they develop various unhealthy behaviors such as addictions, overachieving, underachieving, and becoming involved in co-dependent relationships and developing a negative perception of self. Treatment for adult women of narcissistic mothers is essential in order to repair the traumas of childhood to establish a healthier and content adulthood.