You cannot set a boundary and attend to someone else’s feelings. The two are mutually exclusive. – Melody Beattie

Boundaries provide safety; they delineate where something ends and another begins. Knowing how and when to set boundaries is an act of self-love, and demonstrates respect for the other — limits can clarify expectations and define roles. We set a boundary to feel secure, but many of us struggle with other’s responses to that border. Others may be angry, disappointed, feel excluded or rejected. But, as Melody Beattie wrote, other’s feelings have no place in our
decision to keep ourselves safe. In fact, it is by valuing and ensuring our own safety, physically or emotionally, that we model encouragement for others to do the same, and validate the importance of every individual’s needs. When we worry about how others will feel about our limits, we lose sight of the primacy of safety​ as the underpinning for all boundaries. We risk liquefying what should be a firm wall into a mushy bog that could easily be crossed. We must trust that our innate right to keep ourselves safe, to decide for ourselves what feels comfortable and doable, will translate to healthier relationships, clearer communication, and the necessary
distinctions that must exist for there to be a “me”and a “you” apart from the “we.”